Letting It All Out

I need to get some things off my mind.

Lately, holding everything at once has started to feel overwhelming. There is so much happening in my life right now. I’m 31, doing my best to find balance in all areas. I’m ready for school to be over. I’m ready to start making more money. I’m ready to relax as summer approaches.

Deep down, I can feel that I want more—and this is the space I’m giving myself to speak those desires out loud.

For the past few years, I’ve carried so many ideas in my head as a creator, business owner, artist, and individual. Today is the day I let them out. I recently listened to a podcast where they talked about the importance of continuing to create and share—to say, “Hey, this is what I made.” That resonated deeply with me.

As a teacher, I already do this every day. I am constantly creating and presenting to my students. There are many things I do well, and many things I’m still improving. I love that my job allows me to design lessons, assignments, projects, and entire units. I get to flex creativity and problem-solving daily.

And now, I want to extend that same energy into every part of my life—my business, my art, my health, my relationships, and beyond.

I know I’m doing the best I can with what I have—and I still want more. I want better. And I believe that’s okay. That desire creates room for growth. It opens the door to possibility.

Everything I’m working toward—everything I’m creating, seeking, and building—is unfolding in its own time. I’m one person in a very specific season of life, one filled with constant growth. In many ways, this feels like my second or even third wave of higher education. I’m learning, adapting, and practicing so that life can eventually feel more aligned and more easeful.

I’m done asking for permission.

I’m done feeling guilty for choosing myself. I’m done waiting—for summer, for breaks, for the “right time.” Today is the day I commit. I am dedicated, focused, and determined to pursue everything I want—for myself and alongside others.

I spend so much of my time serving others through my work. Now, I want to pour that same level of attention, care, and love back into myself. Because that’s what will sustain me. That’s what will make me feel present, fulfilled, and alive.

I have gifts. I have skills. I have knowledge that people are ready to receive. There are thousands—maybe even millions—of people who would be excited to learn from me.

I’ve lived an incredible life, and I’m grateful to share it. I get to make art and teach art for a living. I am creative every single day.

This moment—right now—is mine.

I’m stepping into it fully. I’m drawing energy from everything around me to keep moving forward—not just through this summer, but for the rest of my life. I am building a life I can truly appreciate, love, and enjoy.

I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.

Everything I desire is possible for me—to have, to experience, to share. I can already feel it: financial freedom, peace, love, health, creativity, connection, joy, curiosity, gratitude.

I can manifest anything I want.

I don’t need permission to be myself—fully and unapologetically. Today, I stand confident in who I am, how I show up, and how I move through the world.

I can see it all: my home, my happiness, my relationship, my creativity, my impact. And if I can see it, I believe it can exist.

It is done.

I will have my very own art show very soon.

I will have a large amount of money in my bank account:

Checking: $467,283.38
Savings: $788,288.27
Emergency Savings: $2,398,392.12
Travel Savings: $593,652.28
Fuck You Money: $533,376.27
Investments: $8,726,992.14
ABSOLUTELY NO DEBT!!!
Total: $13,507,984.46

As I write these numbers, I notice how scary it feels. I’ve never had this level of money before—and still, I can see it happening. Even in the discomfort, I believe it’s possible.

Because I can see it.

After taking a deep breath, it feels sealed.

Here are the things that have been on my mind—organized in a way that helps me better understand what I’m building toward:

Categories + List of Desires

Family
Spending more time with them
Making more of an effort to connect
Creating more gatherings—BBQs, parties, time together
Calling or texting when they come to mind
Planning and going on trips together
Finding reasons to see each other in person
Visiting them and having them visit me

Art
Making art
Exploring mixed media
Working on watercolor paper, canvas, and wood panels
Painting
Having my own studio space

Teaching Art Online (Art Business)
Starting Saturday, April 18th
Focusing on creativity
Connecting with thousands of people
Building a community of artists and friends
Creating a subscription-based model

Teaching Art In-Person (Art Business)
Starting Thursday, May 21st at Pond Farm
Partnering with breweries and Bay Area spaces
Teaching in coworking spaces
Having my own teaching studio

Merchandise
Selling print-on-demand
Clothing
Art prints
Stickers
Hats
Bags

Murals
Getting back into mural painting
Working with schools and businesses
Traveling nationally and globally for mural work

Art Shows
Hosting my own show
Participating in group shows
Showcasing work on my website and social media

Art Education (Job)
Becoming the best teacher I can be
Creating structured curriculum and units
Reaching the top of the pay scale
Helping students become artists
Designing engaging lessons
Having my own classroom
Staying organized and consistent
Preparing all curriculum ahead of the school year
Staying on top of grading

Money
Having financial freedom
Buying what I want without hesitation
Owning a home
Buying a new truck
Automating all bills
Achieving a 790+ credit score
Reaching $13M in assets
Using money to support others and my family
Becoming financially literate and confident
Staying humble with money
Building generational wealth
Becoming debt-free by the end of the year

Health & Wellness
Being in the best shape of my life
Playing basketball regularly
Weighing 190–195 lbs
Spending time in nature
Cooking nutritious meals

Relationship
Being the best partner and future husband
Being reliable and united
Feeling cared for and desired
Enjoying every moment together
Growing through challenges

School (SFSU)
Finishing my credential strong with all A’s
Passing the edTPA on the first try
Continuing toward a master’s degree
Taking additional courses to grow as an educator

Looking at all of this, it’s a lot. There’s so much I want to do—and so much I’ve already done.

I understand that these things take time. Some require patience. But the beauty is that starting creates momentum. Even the smallest steps move me forward.

I will accomplish these things.

I give myself permission to move with patience, energy, inspiration, curiosity, and confidence. I know I am capable of everything I’ve written here—and more will be added as I grow and evolve.

I needed to release this.

Just because I wake up every day for work and school doesn’t mean I lose sight of who I am. That version of me—the strong, confident, creative, outgoing version—has always been there. I just let it sit dormant for a while.

Not anymore.

I’m proud of myself for writing this. Now I know what I’m working toward—and I’m open to everything I didn’t expect along the way.