Disconnecting From The Circus

The past couple months I feel that I have been on one. Not in “bad” way but in a way where I feel emotionally, politically, socially, and physically amped. This is my first year at a new school which brings in many transitions, new systems, new staff and community, and learning so so much. On top of that I am also pursuing my Masters in Equity and Social Justice Education. I feel like I have been challenged by this educational system because I have been in it basically my entire life and now building a level of mastery within a specific area. 

I have been learning a lot about precolonialism, whiteness, power, and many other things. I have began to notice that my credential program and masters is all based upon theory. Which doesn’t make any sense to me because it feels like we are just reading just to read and talking just to talk. It doesn’t feel like there are any solution based actions or practices that can help me become a better teacher. It feels like the same type of schooling that I was literally doing in high school. You would think in an higher education space that I am spending thousands of dollars for would be focused on issues and society of today’s world. Instead we are basically highlighting white power dynamics and how whiteness is literally within every sphere from education, language, race, politics, society, and much more. 

It’s coming to the point where I am concerned that I am not getting the most out of this education. It is literally used to move me up in the pan scale for my job that still upholds these white academic standards. At times it feels overwhelming that this issues will never get resolved and that white people will always have their hands in everything. And other times I am curious why we are not collectively using our power, experiences, and ideas to figure out potential solutions within our society to make it better for ourselves, our students, and our communities. We (meaning myself and my classmates) are a new and mixed generation of educators, leaders, and professionals who can easily find ways to dismantle systems if and when given spaces to have discussions and challenge the system. But rather we are busy reading polls rhetoric and theory that does not apply to today’s world. 

I get learning about the various histories and things about how the westernized world has been shaped but it’s coming to the point where it feels like we are still within this power trip. We are kept busy reading and theorizing so that we don’t have enough time, space, and energy to make real change. I’m not sure what it’s going to take. But I feel that I am at a point where this is a waste of my time and I am doing this ti move up in the pay scale. 

Furthermore, as a Black and Brown man navigating this world we have already been met with so much racism, classism, prejudice, disrespect, and neglect to where when we learn about the white mans history I have already learned so much just from personal experience. I wonder if when so many youth and young adults got educated in the 60s learned the same things in school and challenged these theories and systems due to their friends and family being forced and killed in the Vietnam War. We can challenge these systems for our children to not be met by a capitalistic society, a society that is forcing them to grow up and meet white social media norms, and their childhood taken from big tech companies. How these phones are creating addicts and lives being lost because of bullying, anxiety, overthinking, overanalyzing, and predators. It’s time that we take our power back especially our time. They are making trillions off of our lives and time and they have no remorse for it. Let’s move towards a more peaceful and humane society where we can live, breathe, and break bread with other.

I am at a point where I am disgusted, irritated, and over this white power trip. Enough is enough and I will do all I can to not fit into this white society. I will be deleting all my social media and connecting directly with real people, to build real socialization, and share real stories. This world especially through the internet is such fallacy. I am going to disconnect from this circus. I’m sure I’ll find my community waiting for me with open arms in real life.